Hi Knighttrader
I believe the medical term for your condition is called 'Rectal Cranial Inversion'. This is what is causing your 'Optical Rectumitius' or tunnel vision. This in turn is the direct cause of your crappy outlook!

Sit in a chair, put both hands on your knees and push as hard as you can. When you hear a loud popping sound, things will be much clearer to you! Good luck with that!