Lactose intolerance. Quite common among those of African descent ... and to a lesser degree Asian descent.

However, pasty white boys can develop it with age. Basically, it comes from not having as much dairy (especially milk) in the diet.

Most of the pasty ones grew up having to finish that glass of milk (typically cow's milk) before they could be excused from the table. Plenty of cow's milk built up a tolerance to the stuff.

As age changes that glass of milk to Scotch (or bourbon, Irish whiskey, et al), there's a lack of consumption that allows the system to lose some of the tolerance.

Only cure is to get it back into your diet on a regular basis.

Kinda like falling off of a horse ... get right back on it.

Just tell your better half that you HAVE to bring back the tolerance. Tell her it's a necessity for your bones ... don't wanna be a hunchback when you reach ancient age, do you?

Just ask her to bear with you and soon, you'll be ALL healthy again.,

Of course that's a lie ... but this oughta at least let you have some more Oreos until production is fully move to spicsville.